Reasons to Become an Evil Villain

1. Popularity
Villains are somehow, executives in this field. They are, yes, dam popular! For instance, Peter Parker from Spiderman.... his has issues with society. He's a social outcast, a complete retard. All heroes are retards. Hey, but wait. Take a look at Norman Osbourn, he's a villain, he's freaking popular! Whatever you do, most likely it will end up in the papers. So get it right. Hero=Social Retards, Villains=Public Celebrity


Norman Osbourn. Super popular evil villain


Peter Parker. Hero. Social outcast

2. You get to laugh maniacally
No one, not even God has ever heard Spidy or Batman laugh like hell. The type of laugh when you see this guy being hammered to death by a bunch of fanatics with ham choi held by their hands. No! And trust me... no one ever will hear them laugh like that. Well, everyone has an obsession with the maniac laugh. Heck, you've even done it once or twice in your civilian life. But as a villain, you will never get the amount of chances to do it with a career in villainy.

3. Christmas all year round
Super bad guys are never broke. Not only are they never broke but they always have more resources than the hero could ever hope for. Apparently the villain racket pays very well. I hear the tax breaks are good too.


Significantly poor.


Another villain's trash is another heroes treasure.


Cool gear all year round!

4. Hot chicks dig evil guys
You never see an evil villain with a busted ass woman. Sure, they may be dirty, rotten, and out to steal your empire, but you can always kill them if they get out of hand. Studies show that breasts of women who hang out with evil guys are an average of two cups bigger than the nice dudes chicks. Studies don’t ever lie.

5. You will be safe from everyday accidents
Evil villains are never killed in car accidents. It just doesn’t happen. You won’t slip in the shower, get smashed by a falling piano, or die of food poisoning. It's just not tragic enough for a villain to die like that. The only way you can be killed is in an explosion created by the hero by exposing the one flaw in your plan that 'no one' could ever 'possibly' foresee. Yeah, this often happens.

6. You don’t have to worry about anyone killing you
Evil Villains simply can not be killed. People may think you are dead but you will secretly be lounging in an easy chair on your secret desert island hideout planning your next caper. The only way you can be taken out is by another villain eviler than yourself who will subsequently take over your identity and continue upon your path of world domination. Sad job but satisfying.

7. You can kill anyone you want
You won’t go to jail. For some strange reason, cops never come to bust Evil villains at their homes even when the evidence is overwhelming. You could kill Superman on a live video feed in front of the entire planet and not one cop would try to arrest you. They can’t even arrest you for the stash of plutonium you have in your shed. It is in the charter when you join the union.

8. You get to dress how you want
You can even dress in the most outrageous outfits while demanding the world bow to your demands and no one will even make the slightest of snide comment. This could have something to do with the fact that you can kill anyone you want and can’t be killed back. Remember, no one ever made fun of Magnetos helmet…


Wicked outfits!

9. No matter how weak you are, you will be more than a match for any hero facing you
“But Ming, Batman would kick my ass in two shakes…” None of that matters. The sheer newness of your evil plot will confuse the hell out of any good guy. As long as you aren’t doing something that has been done to death (i.e goblin themed villains) you should have no problem getting your plans off the ground.

The Real Santa Is Coming For You

I'm buying time with this post actually. Doing an up coming one about Evil Villains. Now let's check out what this post is all about.

You think Santa Claus is a jolly fella? The red man in some furry suit who carries around a big bag filled with THINGS. Oh.... It could be gifts... or something else. Oh wait till you find out lil boys and girls. He only brings gifts to the ones that are good. If your not.... oh hohoho...... Run kids, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Check this clip out!
P.S: Be good children. Trust me. =)

Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money

1. Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money
We all know about this one. It is the reason you never see a really hot woman riding the bus or standing in line at the local soup kitchen. Nearly every bad event in your life will usually be followed by losing your girlfriend. Wreck your car? Lose your house? Expect to get “the call”.



2. They know within the first two minutes whether or not they are going to sleep with you
I am not exactly sure what it is, not even our greatest scientific minds can figure this one out, but every woman you meet judges you on the first two minutes. She immediately knows whether or not you will be hitting the skins later on that night, or ever for that matter. It is strange how this works, but if you corner a woman who has already decided not to sleep with you, she will admit to it.


'She will check you out' look


'Go to hell' look

3. Confidence is a better attribute than money
The ugliest, fattest, poorest man in the world can sleep with the hottest woman if he just knows what he is doing. Unfortunately, most of us who are not fat, ugly, or broke have no idea what the chicken's pie we are doing, thus creating unbalance in the universe and a disturbance in the force.

4. They want you to be a jerk
For some reason, if you don’t call or show any interest whatsoever in a woman, she will end up wanting you more. This proves true the old age “people want what they can’t have”. The best way to get a woman interested in you is to make her think that you aren’t.



5. Size does matter
A dirty lie told by all women. If you have ever heard this from one of your girlfriends, it means she has had bigger manhood and that’s what she thinks about when you are in the bedroom. If you have never heard it, then that means you are the guy that she thinks about when she is with her current boyfriend. It is a lose-lose situation either way.

6. They want to change you
Nothing is better for a woman than to feel she has tamed the beast. Sure, she may think it is “cute” now that you have Little Italy/Pizza Hut pizza boxes all over your coffee table and like to get drunk every Tuesday just because, but trust me, deep down inside, she is plotting your beer-free future.

7. They want you to listen, they don’t want to listen to you
Ever try talking to a woman about sports or computer games? See that far off look in her eyes? Yeah, she may be in the same room with you but her mind is not even in the same universe. Trust me, if she isn’t talking, she isn’t listening either.

8. Women remember everything
Remember that time three years ago, before you even met her, when you made that off color comment about Angelina Jolies hair? Of course not, but somewhere in the vast database of the female mind, the girl you are with right now remembers. Even if she wasn’t there, she remembers. You will never live down anything you have ever done. Another seemingly contradictory rule, it is more like a secret weapon they use to make it look like rule number seven doesn’t apply.

9. They will end up knowing more about you than your mother
You know that thing you do every time you lie? Of course not, but she does. No embarrassing habit, no matter how small it is, will go unnoticed. You can bet her friends and family probably knows all about them too.

10. Women have secrets
The sky is blue, water is wet, and women have secrets. No matter how honest you think she is, there is always some skeleton gathering dust that you will never, nor ever want to, know about.



Now that you have read these rules, you are still no better off than you were before. We will never understand women. Never.