Based on the movie 300: Men Are From Sparta, Women Are From Persia…

A few years back, a writer penned what was called at the time “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” in order to explain relationships to the masses. I never read the book because the initial analogy was so weak. Mars and Venus are planets… on which it is impossible for humans to survive. Since they don’t have 24 hour department stores on Venus and slabs of salty bacon never seem to cook up right on Mars the idea really doesn’t make any sense at all. Time for zero to interject with some logic we can all understand.

It is late in the day and the seas are rough; you and your paltry 300 soldiers look out upon a hundred nations of the Persian empire descending upon you. Someone makes an off-color joke about how women need to be in the kitchen. You laugh. The next thing you know Xerxes is knocking on your front door with a nice cold glass of ownage he expects you to drink from heartily or you won’t get any pussy for weeks.

Yes folks, women are Persians. Men are Spartans. It has been like that since the beginning of time… even before the great Spartan clash. The trick here is: putting it in words you can understand. Let’s begin…

During an argument a woman, much like Xerxes, will hit you with a million different points. Men usually stick to one solitary point and defend it to the death. If you hold your ground well you can stave off thousands of those points. The more you stop, the more come. The sky is darkened by arrows of illogic. Of course, we fight in the shade…

Also, much like the Persians, a woman will give you a chance to give up. A chick once told me “You would be so much of a better person if you were my boyfriend.” At the time I didn’t realize it but looking back I see what she really meant was “All of your enemies will kneel at your feet, if you will but kneel before mine.” It is a good thing I had a kink in my leg that day and gave that rotten cunt a visual demonstration of what kicking rocks was…

Sometimes, you are betrayed by one of your own. Much like the dirty traitor who showed the Persians the old goat path. One of your own boys may give up the location of your weakness, whether on purpose or not. Women are good at finding things out. When their millions can’t beat your 300 at the narrow pass, meaning they can’t fade your logic no matter how hard they try, they will find a way to sneak around behind you and hit you right on the ass end.

Many nations bowed to Persia, as many men have bowed to women. Of course, Spartans… well, we have our reputation to consider. We are the kind of men they don’t make anymore. We will stand and fight, to the death if necessary. We know we will most likely lose but we refuse to go quietly.

Yes, I said it. We will lose. You just cannot win an argument with a woman. It is impossible. That doesn’t mean we fight in vain though. The world will know that few stood against many… that free men stood against tyranny. And before the battle is over even a woman’s relentless illogical bitching can bleed.

Since it doesn’t get any better than calling women tyrants, I leave you with that.

Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It...

Hey everyone! Hahaha, well I've been surfing the net and this shoutout caught my attention. It was titled "Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It...". When I was done reading it.. I realised, wow man... it's optimistic at it's best! Check it out!

The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing? I'll bet flashy boys can't even answer simple calculus or algebra questions. These are some good example of these 'flashy boys with their flashy exam answers."











6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. For example.

Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models... They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo...”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?” Me: “Never mind...”

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on...” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.